It’s that time of the year again when flowers, chocolates and, of course, valentine cards will be flying off supermarket shelves as couples and intending ones profess undying love to each other. And if you’re still single or perhaps recently split up with your partner, the likelihood is that you want the day to go just as quickly it came.

So, should you be “rushing” to be in a relationship so as not to be left out of the social media frenzy of who got what on Valentines Day?

The answer, of course, is “No”. We all know it takes more than a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates to find true love, never mind what Social Media has made us believe.

However, not everyone feels the need to have others in their “personal space” to feel loved. Some people are just more comfortable doing life alone than others, while others have simply learnt to accept their lot, especially if they’d been in one or two serious relationships that didn’t work out.

Yes, there’ll be fleeting moments of wishing they had someone to love on them just like everyone else; after all, they’re still human, but such people are often quick to snap out their daydreams to make the most of where they are at.

But for those who have been taught or made to believe that they’d never be “complete” without a spouse by their side, the story is a little bit different, and such people can become so obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship that they sometimes end up being with the wrong person.

There are benefits to being in a godly relationship; no doubt, but nothing stops you from being all that God has called you to be while waiting for the man or woman of your dreams.

Apostle Paul was never married, and I m sure we can all agree that he did great exploits for the kingdom of God as a single man.

You and I may not be able to do as much as he did, singlehandedly because He was operating under a peculiar grace, but the key is to be intentional about making the most of where we are at every stage of our lives.

How then should we go about finding the one?    

Firstly, as believers finding “the one” isn’t something we do in the flesh. Yes, there’s a place for physical attraction, and that’s very important, but the real search starts from within with the help of the Holy Spirit. There’s something about praying in the spirit when navigating unfamiliar territories, such as finding a life partner that’s life-changing because the Holy Spirit beams His light on the deep and the hidden.

Let’s face it. There are some things we’d never know about others, except God reveals them to us. Couples who have been married for a very long time will tell you they still get the odd surprise from their spouses from time to time. That’s why you can find out after 20 years of marriage that your spouse never really liked tennis even though they’d followed you faithfully around the world to every major tournament.  

But the right person isn’t just about having similar interests, although that helps. It’s deeper than that. You need to find out if they’re a destiny match.

Why? Because not everyone who is “interested” in having a relationship with you now will be secure enough to embrace who God has called you to be or who you become ten years into your marriage, particularly if they hadn’t seen it coming. 

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An intending livestock farmer who marries a young woman who doesn’t “do dirt “ and hates the smell of animals generally is already looking to spend more time away from his wife, except, of course, she’s willing to “change” or adapt to his needs.

Many believers have sadly been forced to walk alone after discovering their calling and all because the man or woman they picked as a spouse wouldn’t journey with them on the path of destiny. Like Lot, many husbands are having to travel alone because their wives are unwilling to leave their old lives behind.

But this isn’t just about men. A woman of God once shared how her fiancé’s response to the call of God on her life as a young woman was a defining moment in their relationship because he was unwilling to walk that path with her. Needless to say, the relationship ended.

And that’s why it’s always a good idea to know your calling before getting hitched. It helps you to narrow your search, but not without the help of the Holy Spirit.

When you look at the marriage relationship from the point of destiny, you’d be able to decide whether or not the person you’re looking to marry is “the one” or not because whoever isn’t willing to pursue God’s purpose for your life along with you, isn’t worthy of being with you.

To be continued.